Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma can be likened to a death.  It is not the death of a person, but the death of a relationship.  Whether you decide to stay with your unfaithful partner or not, the fact remains that your relationship as you knew it, is over.  It is the trauma of loss –  loss of your expectations, your dreams, the way you used to perceive your partner, and the loss of the person that you were in the relationship.  For healing to occur, losses need to be acknowledged and grieved. 

The reason why infidelity hurts so much, is because it is an attachment injury.  Our life partner is our safe person, the person whom you have trusted with your deepest vulnerabilities, your most trusted confidant.  It is this safe person of yours who does exactly the opposite by betraying you, leaving you emotionally broken. Although it may feel like the end of the world and as if the pain is never ending,  trauma is an emotional wound that can be healed, and best of all is that trauma has the capacity to completely transform our lives for the better. 

In this regard, Brain Working Recursive Therapy (BWRT), a technique created by Terence Watts, works very effectively and very quickly in changing how we think, feel and react to the betrayal trauma.  The basic premise of this technique is that our subconscious minds can only respond to new incoming information based on old patterns/programs.  BWRT enables us to “freeze” the old program, which changes how we think, feel and behave with regards to the trauma.  Betrayal lays down fertile ground for the development of negative self-beliefs.  Self-criticism, shame and a general decline in self-esteem are often experienced.  Through the technique of tapping, these  negative beliefs can be successfully addressed.  Being able to completely let go of the trauma requires firstly to acknowledge and feel our pain, secondly to make sense of the betrayal by understanding those emotional insecurities within our partner which led to the betrayal, and lastly, to find the hidden gifts within the betrayal trauma, for instance the opportunity for a new beginning, and feeling grateful for these gifts.    Now is the chance to reinvent yourself, to reclaim those aspects of yourself that you have lost within the relationship and to re-commit yourself to a process of ongoing personal growth.